I got a treat on Christmas Day: Mom took me out to see Freedom, the star of her new documentary film.


Mom with Freedom, and Napoleon hanging over her shoulder. Click for the full set.

The story of Freedom and her trainer Emma is the subject of Mom's most recent documentary film effort, Freedom's Choice. Emma has chosen to move away from a natural horsemanship approach to the techniques taught by the Nevzorov Haute Ecole in training Freedom. The latter style gives the horse an equal footing in the relationship, and the horse can choose whether and when to train. Much more information is available at the Freedom's Choice blog.

I had never been this close to a horse before in my life:


Napoleon is hoping I have apple slices or some other treat.

I must admit it was a bit scary. They are large beasts. Also, I didn't know how to interact with them. I tried to be as open as possible, and talk to them soothingly, but not in a belittling manner. I have this problem where I basically treat all animals like they're cats, but they all have very different signals that they react to. When I was a vet tech, I learned how to handle / communicate with dogs, but I never dealt with large animals. This was an interesting experience. I can see how getting to really understand a horse would be a marvelous experience.

I'm very much looking forward to seeing how the film progresses. Mom is facing all kinds of challenges with getting funding for it, developing a sales pitch, and figuring out how to apply for film festivals and which ones would be the best for her piece. I wish her the very best in pursuing this effort.

I also got to spend some time with Dad and Faye, and enjoyed a delicious Christmas dinner. Here's hoping the next year is good to all of us.

As I was driving to Maryland for the holidays yesterday, I had my first full-blown out-of-the-blue panic attack in three years. I was on the middle of the Potomac River Bridge, being forced to drive 5 mph over the maximum speed limit by a giant red truck on my bumper, when I started feeling dizzy and hyperventilating. This is a very long bridge, which the photos in the above link don't do justice to. I was just trying to force myself to breathe slowly in and out and focus on nothing but the lane in front of me until I was off the bridge. I then let the jerk pass me as I drove slowly to the Maryland Welcome Center, where I stopped for half an hour while I calmed down.

I still get panic attacks on a regular basis when confronted with needles, i.e., getting a shot or blood taken. But I have come to expect those situations and prepare for them. This one took me by complete and unwelcome surprise.

As I was sitting at the rest stop trying to recover, I thought of several things that could have triggered this attack. I've never liked bridges but I have never panicked about one before, either, so this was probably more due to my stress level than an actual fear of bridges (unlike my fear of needles.) It's almost certainly related to the feeling that I was being forced to do something I didn't want to do, namely speeding. But more than that, I think it was related to two things: 1) my base stress level has gone up about ten-fold since starting the new job and 2) I had cheated half an hour before on my gluten-free diet.

Since I started the diet 6 weeks ago, I've cheated three times. One was by accident on Thanksgiving, and twice have been on purpose. Yesterday, I hadn't thought to prepare food that was gluten-free for my drive to Maryland - I hadn't really thought ahead. Usually I stop for lunch when I turn onto 301-N from 95-N, since there's a good place to fill up on gas, go to the restroom, and pick up a Subway sandwich which I can eat on the road. Well duh - Subway won't work for me anymore. I ended up opting for a McDonald's Big Mac instead slightly down the road, arguing to myself that at least there wouldn't be as much bread as with a subway sandwich.

Half an hour later I have a panic attack. I don't think this is a coincidence.

I've noticed so many benefits to eating gluten-free that I can't help but think that this is the right thing for me to be doing. I have more energy, I've lost a little weight, I never have IBS at all anymore unless I've cheated (and I'm paying for that burger right now.) But I wonder if it will also affect other parts of my life. Perhaps panic attacks were related to a wheat intolerance. Perhaps my JRA was all a reaction to gluten. Maybe the long term benefits will be outrageously good. I've heard similar things from other folks who have gone gluten-free. People with horrible acne suddenly don't have any. People with terrible migraines suffer them no longer. Things like that. I have to say that even with what I've noticed so far, this is the right course for me. And to think my doctor thought it was a dumb idea.

In any case, after calming down at the rest stop, I decided that the rest of my holiday was going to be spent in a stress-free, low-key manner. I immediately got in the right hand lane and stayed there for pretty much the rest of the drive to Annapolis. I decided the small stuff should not be sweat. I have made myself stop thinking about work. I did some breathing exercises this morning.

May you all have a relaxing, stress-free Christmas.

The second day may have topped the first, which is hard to believe. There was an all-school picnic where I chatted with old teachers (Paul Stoneham, Babette Leshinsky, Pinky Slingluff, and later on, Rick Layton) and where to my surprise my old friend Laurel showed up despite threatening that she wouldn't. We observed that although everyone's body had changed, their voices were eerily the same as the last time we'd met. Then we had a couple of hours to kill before the evening SFX (the old high school band) reunion concert, so a few of us wandered around the grounds and chatted.

At this point, I did something very foolish and assumed I could still handle going down a very steep slope of grass towards the Activity Building, and I slipped and twisted my knee very badly. :( That dashed my hopes of dancing for the evening, or so I thought.

Then the SFX concert started, and Tom gave me some excedrin, and before I knew it I was dancing anyways, though favoring the bum leg. I danced my ass off, and probably made the usual dancing spectacle of myself, because very few other people were dancing, although the crowd was sizable. But to hell with that. I had a blast. The band was pretty tight considering they only had 24 hours to practice before the event. Also, they played some of their original songs that they had released on a record back in the day, which I used to own two copies of, oddly. Those memories just rushed back into me as they played. It didn't hurt that I had a huge crush on the bass player of the band for four years. It was nice to see him and chat without any of that old angst. :) The knee is terribly unhappy today, but I think the experience was worth the cost.


SFX Reunion Concert

For those who care, some more pictures from the concert have been added to the set.

So I found out a couple of weeks ago that we were having our 20th high school reunion this weekend. I had just been up to Annapolis and have a lot of things going on right now, so I wasn't sure I could swing it, but after a certain amount of arm-twisting from old classmates Abigail, Ricky, and Jessica, I decided to make time for it. I am so glad I did.


Click for the set.

We graduated from The Key School in Annapolis, Maryland, in 1988. It's hard to describe to an outsider just what it was like going there. I only went from grades 8-12 which was the Upper School at that time (8th grade changed to being Middle School after our year) but it was a K-12 private school and several of my classmates were lifers. Our graduating class was 18 people, so we all knew each other very well compared to most classes in other schools. We were also dealing with some very difficult times for the school when they were considering shutting down the Upper School due to funding/enrollment issues.

About half of the class managed to come this weekend. After freaking out initially over the flood of memories and feelings, and also realizing how frakking OLD we all are now, the atmosphere of the evening changed for me. Suddenly, it was like we all bonded again and maybe in ways we weren't able to while still in high school. We shared this marvelous, sometimes tempestuous, experience, in a place that really taught us how to learn and how to want to learn. I know that if I had continued in public schools, with so little personal attention and such difficult social dynamics, I would not be the person I am today. It is marvelous to see the diverse paths we have all taken, from being professors at universities to editing major magazines to computer science to cancer research to the restaurant industry, etc. Many folks have 3+ children, and the enlightened discussions about parenthood that I listened in on were fascinating. At times it was almost too much for me to bear so I kept running out of the room from time to time to collect my thoughts.

There's more to come today, topped by a performance from SFX, the band which was our semi-official high school band from the class of '87. Should be interesting. :)

Also, narcissamiss - sorry that I can't make time to visit with you, but this is another whirlwind tour. :( Next time I promise to get in touch with you and set something up. :)

I'm in Annapolis for a trip to view Mom's film premier (more on that later.) I got out of Durham well ahead of Tropical Storm Hanna, and made good time up to Annapolis. We went to my favorite place to get good steamed blue crabs, Cantler's Riverside Inn. It's always a good experience. Lots more photos in the set - click the picture to get to them.



A lot of my friends may not know how to do whammin' crabs, so what follows is a pictorial tutorial. I've made the pictures small so that the squeamish won't be too worried about the details. Click to see larger versions.

Step 1:

The first thing to do with a steamed blue crab is to open the "tab" on the underside so that it's pulled away from the body, in preparation for taking off the top shell of the crab.



Step 2:

Once the "tab" is open, pull off the entire top shell, or as my family calls it, the "hubcap". If you have a cat, they love to eat the innards left over on the top shell. They will love you forever if you give it to them.



Step 3:

Pull off the gills on the top left and right sides of the crab and discard. You really don't want to eat these. The sides will then have the cartilage exposed.



Step 4:

Pull off the front mandibles, and remove the digestive system / organ parts from the center of the crab. Discard.



Step 5:

Break the crab in two down the center. As you see in the picture, there is some yellow "crab mustard" still clinging to the sides. Some people love this stuff, some don't. I don't, so I usually wipe it off. (This is part of the hepato-pancreas and has a strong musky flavor.)



Step 6:

[Optional] Wipe off the "crab mustard".



Step 7:

Next, start pulling out the legs. Pull on each leg gently to get as much meat out of the central cartilage as possible. Usually these smaller legs aren't worth the effort, but this one managed to get a good chunk out. The backfins (the hindmost swimmer legs) are a different story - they are the most coveted, tenderest meat, so take care with those.



Step 8:

Pulling out the backfin very gently can give you a wonderful treat - the most tender, sweetest chunk of crab. Dip in butter, or vinegar and Old Bay seasoning, or just pop it in your mouth. All the effort is worth it.

After the legs are all pulled, you should go through the cartilage, picking it apart to get the meat on the inside. You don't need utensils to do this, as the cartilage is easy to tear apart.



Step 9:

Here's the actual "whammin'" part of whammin' crabs. Use the wooden mallet and a knife to make cracks along the claws. the claws have two sections where a slightly tougher, darker-flavored meat can be found, but you need to get through the thick shell to do so. Don't hit too hard - it's better to make small cracks and break the claw open with your fingers.



Step 10:

Breaking open a claw at the crack made previously with the mallet and knife. Do this carefully to expose the claw meat inside.



Step 11:

I'm a little out of practice - I should have made the break a bit further towards the joint to expose more of the meat inside. Still, it's not hard to wham it again and expose more.



After eating the claw meat, discard everything and pop another of those suckers open! Repeat until no longer able to walk.

I am fortunate not to have been present in North Carolina for any of the major hurricanes which struck the region, although my Granny was living in Wilson and so I saw the aftermath of Floyd when we visited her. But I have been through two comparatively minor hurricanes when I lived in Maryland as a kid. I'm trying to figure out which ones they were.

I think I've nailed one of them: Hurricane Gloria. I was by myself in the house when Gloria passed by, as both of my parents were out of town. I guess at age 14 they were letting me stay by myself overnight, although I think for longer trips they used to get their friends to stay with me. In any case, when Gloria came through, my parents said I would be fine, just to stay in their room since it was on the ground/basement floor. I remember being utterly terrified during the whole experience, laying on my parents' bed and listening to the wind howl.

The other one was actually more harrying. My parents, my parents' best friends, and I were on a large boat that we had rented for a long weekend trip. I think we knew that a hurricane was threatening, but the money had been paid and so we went out anyways. When the hurricane did end up coming up the Chesapeake Bay, we hid out on an inlet somewhere on the Eastern Shore and anchored the boat as best we could to ride it out overnight. The boat swung back and forth on its tethers all night - I don't think anyone got a wink of sleep. In the morning, after the storm had mostly passed, we headed back home on a still very choppy Bay. There were no other boats in sight - no one but us had been foolish enough to go out in the storm.

I have not yet figured out which hurricane (or maybe tropical storm?) this was, partly because I'm not sure which year this was in. It might have been Hurricane Charley - the timing on that seems right.

In any case, I wouldn't recommend the latter experience. Please be safe if a hurricane's coming your way.

I took Friday off and had a two-night visit in Annapolis with Mom and Mel this past weekend. I got to do lots of nifty things, even though it was a very short trip.

First I got to meet my new kitten-siblings, Westley and Buttercup:


Ain't they cuuute?

We hung out and had steamed crabs at home, and boy were they yummy!



I cuddled with Westley and Buttercup most of the night until they started pouncing on my feet and I had to kick them out. Then in the morning, Buttercup and I had a nice wake-up cuddle session - I totally felt like I was cheating on my Zootie with a younger woman! I feel a bit guilty.

On Saturday, we went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival and had a great time, and some great food.



In particular, we saw Johnny Fox, Sword Swallower. He's my favorite act and I try to catch him every year, but this is the first time Mom and Mel had seen him. We all enjoyed the show - he's hysterical.



I wanted to see Maggie Sansone, but Mom and I ended up getting Henna tattoos instead.

On Sunday, on my way out, I went to go take photos around downtown Annapolis before driving home, since they're about to do a huge renovation to the dock area and it will be inaccessible for 6 months or more.

I was sad to see that Oceans II on Main Street, my favorite record store growing up, is finally going out of business. I talked to the owner, and he said, "If you can give us $45,000 of business a day, then we'll stay open! No? Didn't think so." Ah, well. I bought a copy of Blue Sunshine by The Glove as a souvenir.


As usual, click the pictures for the Flickr sets (and more historical info about Annapolis)
For a better idea of how downtown Annapolis is laid out, look at this map

All in all, it was a great weekend. The only downside was getting stuck for 2.5 hours in this mess on the way home, which caused me to eventually take the Route 54 to Route 301 detour discussed in the article (but which I had to figure out for myself.) It made a usually 5 to 5.5 hour trip into 8 hours. Ugh. :P