I got a treat on Christmas Day: Mom took me out to see Freedom, the star of her new documentary film.


Mom with Freedom, and Napoleon hanging over her shoulder. Click for the full set.

The story of Freedom and her trainer Emma is the subject of Mom's most recent documentary film effort, Freedom's Choice. Emma has chosen to move away from a natural horsemanship approach to the techniques taught by the Nevzorov Haute Ecole in training Freedom. The latter style gives the horse an equal footing in the relationship, and the horse can choose whether and when to train. Much more information is available at the Freedom's Choice blog.

I had never been this close to a horse before in my life:


Napoleon is hoping I have apple slices or some other treat.

I must admit it was a bit scary. They are large beasts. Also, I didn't know how to interact with them. I tried to be as open as possible, and talk to them soothingly, but not in a belittling manner. I have this problem where I basically treat all animals like they're cats, but they all have very different signals that they react to. When I was a vet tech, I learned how to handle / communicate with dogs, but I never dealt with large animals. This was an interesting experience. I can see how getting to really understand a horse would be a marvelous experience.

I'm very much looking forward to seeing how the film progresses. Mom is facing all kinds of challenges with getting funding for it, developing a sales pitch, and figuring out how to apply for film festivals and which ones would be the best for her piece. I wish her the very best in pursuing this effort.

I also got to spend some time with Dad and Faye, and enjoyed a delicious Christmas dinner. Here's hoping the next year is good to all of us.

As I was driving to Maryland for the holidays yesterday, I had my first full-blown out-of-the-blue panic attack in three years. I was on the middle of the Potomac River Bridge, being forced to drive 5 mph over the maximum speed limit by a giant red truck on my bumper, when I started feeling dizzy and hyperventilating. This is a very long bridge, which the photos in the above link don't do justice to. I was just trying to force myself to breathe slowly in and out and focus on nothing but the lane in front of me until I was off the bridge. I then let the jerk pass me as I drove slowly to the Maryland Welcome Center, where I stopped for half an hour while I calmed down.

I still get panic attacks on a regular basis when confronted with needles, i.e., getting a shot or blood taken. But I have come to expect those situations and prepare for them. This one took me by complete and unwelcome surprise.

As I was sitting at the rest stop trying to recover, I thought of several things that could have triggered this attack. I've never liked bridges but I have never panicked about one before, either, so this was probably more due to my stress level than an actual fear of bridges (unlike my fear of needles.) It's almost certainly related to the feeling that I was being forced to do something I didn't want to do, namely speeding. But more than that, I think it was related to two things: 1) my base stress level has gone up about ten-fold since starting the new job and 2) I had cheated half an hour before on my gluten-free diet.

Since I started the diet 6 weeks ago, I've cheated three times. One was by accident on Thanksgiving, and twice have been on purpose. Yesterday, I hadn't thought to prepare food that was gluten-free for my drive to Maryland - I hadn't really thought ahead. Usually I stop for lunch when I turn onto 301-N from 95-N, since there's a good place to fill up on gas, go to the restroom, and pick up a Subway sandwich which I can eat on the road. Well duh - Subway won't work for me anymore. I ended up opting for a McDonald's Big Mac instead slightly down the road, arguing to myself that at least there wouldn't be as much bread as with a subway sandwich.

Half an hour later I have a panic attack. I don't think this is a coincidence.

I've noticed so many benefits to eating gluten-free that I can't help but think that this is the right thing for me to be doing. I have more energy, I've lost a little weight, I never have IBS at all anymore unless I've cheated (and I'm paying for that burger right now.) But I wonder if it will also affect other parts of my life. Perhaps panic attacks were related to a wheat intolerance. Perhaps my JRA was all a reaction to gluten. Maybe the long term benefits will be outrageously good. I've heard similar things from other folks who have gone gluten-free. People with horrible acne suddenly don't have any. People with terrible migraines suffer them no longer. Things like that. I have to say that even with what I've noticed so far, this is the right course for me. And to think my doctor thought it was a dumb idea.

In any case, after calming down at the rest stop, I decided that the rest of my holiday was going to be spent in a stress-free, low-key manner. I immediately got in the right hand lane and stayed there for pretty much the rest of the drive to Annapolis. I decided the small stuff should not be sweat. I have made myself stop thinking about work. I did some breathing exercises this morning.

May you all have a relaxing, stress-free Christmas.

I went to my friends Melanie & Chris's house last night for a nice holiday dinner, with some Wii and card games. I think that's the first time I've really stomped a game of Gin Rummy in quite a while. It was a lovely evening that made me feel like the holidays are finally here.

I brought a couple of side dishes, one of which turned out really well, and the other of which was only so-so. This Indian Spiced Carrot Soup which I posted about before is a real winner. Everyone enjoyed it. Then there was this Asparagus Pesto Pasta Salad from FatFree Vegan Kitchen which was only okay. I think it probably would have been better to steam or stir-fry the asparagus rather than boiling it. And although the pesto was fine, and the toasted pine nuts were a nice touch, the dish seemed really bland. Maybe some sun-dried tomatoes or some sauteed peppers or something would help. Not sure. Also, so far I am not impressed with the gluten-free pastas I've found. They just taste wrong.

There will be plenty of more yummy treats in the days ahead while I'm visiting in Maryland. I keep forgetting to release the super secret Copeland recipes including the one for Shrimp In a Pickle, but I will do so over the coming week or so. That's my holiday gift to anyone who bothers to read my blog. :)

I've decided not to put up the tree this year. This is after two weeks of having the box (yes, I have an artificial tree) sitting in the living room just waiting for me to assemble it. I even have some eggnog in the fridge and Rudolph and The Grinch on the DVR, just waiting for me to get in the mood. I just can't seem to get there.

I had a decent birthday last week, although it was a number I really wasn't too happy to be turning. Mitch and Beth gave me a very good quality copy of Duran Duran's EP Carnival, which was a very nice gift. In fact, I got several very nice gifts. It was kind of a surprisingly nice birthday considering I hadn't planned anything at all.

My birthday present to myself turned out to be $600 of repairs to my car - the bearings were shot on one wheel and the caliper had to be replaced on it as well, since the wheel had been wonky for so long. Unfortunately, that means an even cheaper than planned Christmas, which was already going to be very skimpy. Bah, humbug.

Today I spent failing to do any of the "Oh geez my vacation is over tomorrow and I was going to get so much done" items that I've failed to do over the past 11 days. I wish my vacation could last another week.

But there was one very nice New Year's thing which I did today. I went to my pal Michael's New Year's Day party. We ate black eyed peas and collard greens, for luck and wealth, respectively, and some corn bread, all of which were mighty tasty. (Michael: I liked this year's collard greens better than any I've had of yours, which is saying something, since you always do them well.)

Michael had rented some Christmas-oriented movies, including Bad Santa, which we failed to watch last year. Alas, Michael will have to wait for next year to try to watch it again, since the tape I brought won the popular vote.

What I brought was A Muppet Family Christmas, which I recorded off of Nickelodeon in 1996, I think. This is one of my favorite Christmas specials of all time, although it's been a number of years since I watched it. I have the unedited version - I ended up buying the prefab VHS issue, but there were several scenes cut, apparently due to music rights issues, so I ended up keeping my home-recorded version instead. It also has some cheesy mid-90's commercials for things like Nintendo Gameboys whose graphics now look ridiculous.

I was surprised at how wonderful it was to watch it with this group - several folks were really into it, and there was much laughter and merriment. And it had been long enough since I'd seen it that I didn't remember many of the jokes, and could enjoy them as though they were new. At one point someone said, "I feel heart-warmed" and I found myself agreeing. Honestly, I think that's the most Christmas spirit I've felt this year for some reason - I haven't really been able to get into the spirit of things this year as much. I blame the drought.

In any case, I hope you all have a very merry New Year, as my first day of it has been. I have the feeling that it's going to be a good one.

Every year, I take a week off at Christmas. This is the only full week off that I take every year. This time around, it worked out to be 11 days off total, and the first few I spent in Maryland as I usually do. Here are some shots from my visit. In particular, Mom has been taking some classes which involve digital photography, so she gave me some pointers on how to get better low-light shots, so many of these are just for experiment's sake.


Click for the entire set

I really loved waking up this morning and then reading for an hour with no rush to do anything. It reminds me of how stressed out I am from the very beginning of the day at most other times.

I have a couple of New Year's resolutions that I don't think I'll tell anyone right away to prevent them from being jinxed, but they're geared toward lowering my stress level - something needs to be done to improve my general quality of life. Letting go of stress is the key, I think.

So this guy who calls himself Snowglobe Boy is pulling a cute stunt over at our neighbors' in ATC. Apparently the chat feature has been the cause of some pretty foul language, so it's not working right now, but you can still read this guy's blog.

I'm not sure whether to be impressed. I guess we'll see how far he makes it.