I went out last night and saw some nifty bands at the Save Our Arts benefit, and had a great time making a spectacle of myself on the dance floor.

Out in the parking lot, OnlyBurger was serving burgers and fries from their newly repaired truck. I had an excellent experience on their grand opening before I went gluten-free. Chatting with them last night, it turns out that they have a number of gluten-free customers who purchase their hamburgers with a lettuce wrap. The buns are grilled separately from the meat, so this is truly a gluten-free meal. Way to go, guys! I'll definitely be purchasing that in the near future.

Their website uses Twitter to post their plans, and shows where their truck is using GPS, which is pretty cool. They will be at the Beaver Queen pageant tonight, which sadly I won't be making, since this is a working weekend for me. I definitely recommend seeking them out - they're the best burger around.

Here are some recipes I've tried lately and done well with:


Pasta with Peas, Asparagus, Butter Lettuce, and Proscuitto
I ended up stir-frying the asparagus and peas with a little garlic rather than boiling them, as boiling tends to leech the flavor, IMO. Turned out very flavorful.


Shrimp with Broccoli Stir Fry, made from the cookbook that came with my wok. I've ended up doing a lot of stir fry in recent months, and have gotten to the point where I can experiment away from my recipes pretty handily. As long as I don't dump too much fish sauce in there. :) Another really good one: Spinach and Mushroom Stir-Fry -- but be careful with this one, as the red pepper flakes can make it feel like someone sprayed some pepper spray in your kitchen if you don't ventilate properly.


Moroccan Chicken with Lemon and Green Olives
This turned out to be the best recipe I've tried in at least a year. I've already facebooked about this, but hadn't posted it here. I've made this about three times in the past month. Yummy-dummy!

I also had some good luck with a gluten-free version of this recipe from kph for Ginger Pecan Lemon Bars, although gluten-free flour meant they didn't hold together well. Still tasted great.


Movies I've seen recently and enjoyed:

Star Trek. Zach Quinto made an excellent Spock. Cheesy, for sure, but a nice re-beginning for the series.

Terminator Salvation. Super-duper cheese, and the plot doesn't hold together well, but I wasn't expecting much. Lots of eye candy.

The Hidden Blade. Strangely comedic in places, and with a fairly trite ending, but I enjoyed the historical aspects of the filming, and the martial arts were interesting.

Caprica. This was an intriguing beginning to what will hopefully be a compelling series. Didn't care for the pouty teenage female lead, but love that Polly Walker (Rome) has shown up in another interesting role.

The King of Masks. Sad tale for the most part, but interesting look at the plight of orphans in 19th (?) century China. Based on a true story, which makes this even more interesting. Also makes me want to re-watch Farewell, My Concubine, which I haven't seen in a number of years.

The Reader. Kate Winslet absolutely deserved the Oscar for this very complex role. Intriguing film.

Hope someone else enjoys one of these recipes or films. :)

I went to a cookout yesterday, and made a few recipes that I had never tried before. This Mustard Lime Chicken from Elana's Pantry (one of my favorite gluten-free blogs) turned out fabulously. I'll definitely be making it again. I should have made twice the recipe so there would be more to go around.

I also tried two other new recipes that turned out really well. First, there was this Grilled Asparagus with Lemon and Garlic that turned out very nicely. I used dill instead of paprika as one of the commenters suggested, and let it marinate for an hour or so before grilling. The wooden stakes were a disaster when I tried to skewer the asparagus, as the asparagus kept breaking and they were all different sizes so the skewers were all wonky. Instead, Chris S. let me use his vegetable grilling basket thingy, and that worked like heaven.

Also, I made a Caprese Salad for the first time ever, which I got rave reviews about. I thinly sliced the tomatoes and mozerella, and added some nice fresh basil. The vinaigrette contained olive oil, balsamic vinegar, celtic sea salt, and a healthy shaking of Penzey's Pasta Sprinkle. I was very happy with the outcome.

I hope everyone had a chance to cook out this weekend or do something else fun! Thanks to Maura and JP for hosting, and Chris S. for manning the grill.

This is for friend cec and other folks who are taking some time off for vacation around now. Wish I could join you!



And cec - don't forget to wemain absowutewy motionwess!

Back in the day, when Xanadu was the hot movie, roller rinks were the most popular place to go, leg warmers and ribbon barrettes were high fashion, and AC/DC and Ozzy Osbourne were the pinnacle of rock, I knew a boy named Chris. He was the boy next door, and he was the first in a long line of Chrises in my life.

This particular Chris just friended me on Facebook this week and upset my notion of self.

It's remarkable the kind of visceral memories that have been popping into my head all week. I think both of us were going through very difficult, confusing times when we knew each other. Heck, middle school is that way for everyone, what with the hormones, physical changes, social awkwardness, and inability / desire to be an adult. But I think there was more for the two of us than many kids have to deal with, given the families we grew up in.

It's 25 years later, and Chris still knows who I am. I gave the usual Facebook spiel about how I enjoyed my single life and didn't have a need for anything, and he immediately told me to stop being coy and tell him if I was happy. Dammit. How can he do that after so long?

So many memories of playing piano together, creating dance routines, playing Dungeons & Dragons, bike riding around the neighborhood, tree houses and dirt piles and race car tracks... 4 years worth of young adulthood came screaming back this week. And he still knows me. Have I not changed at all since I was 12?

Chris had some very encouraging words to say. He pointed out that 5 on a scale of 10 as a happiness rating is not something that I should accept, and that I need to find out what's blocking me and transcend it. He seems to have done so in his own life, which is admirable and inspirational.

What is blocking me?

My friend cec recently called me out (and rightly so) for not blogging any more and instead posting exclusively to Facebook, so I'm here to make apologies and give a couple of updates. I find Facebook to be the quick-and-dirty version of blogging, like going to a fast food restaurant instead of cooking at home. I've actually been doing a lot more cooking at home lately than blogging, come to think of it.

So here's what my past week has been like:

Sunday: cook a really awesome paella, and stick the left-overs in the freezer to be eaten later. Do laundry and clean the kitchen (but not the bathroom or the floors.) Get last-minute invitation to friend jhv's birthday party, bring frozen paella which doesn't end up reheating well, stay up too late.

Monday: Get up early and be at work before 8:30. Meet with boss at 9:00. Meet meet meet meet meet with people all day. Get called into CIO's office at 17:00 and meet until 18:30. Go play video crack to de-stress. Stay up too late.

Tuesday: Get up early and be at work by 7:30. Meet meet meet meet meet meet meet. Go home about 18:00. Eat leftovers, read, go to bed.

Did I mention I work through all lunch breaks?

Repeat basically all week, aside from Friday, where I slacked and didn't get to work until 9:00 and left at 16:30 to go have my weekly happy hour with friends. Not sure how much longer I'll be able to get away with that, considering how the overall project I'm working on is going.

Today: Do some work from home. Cook another really awesome dish: Shrimp and Wasabi Deviled Eggs. Eat enough eggs to cause heart failure. Catch up on the netflix DVDs I have out.

My life is really nothing to blog about lately, and I am so drained that I just don't have anything creative to say. I don't see that changing until at least after August. Even my dreams/nightmares are about work, and they're not even that interesting.

Hopefully one day I'll rediscover my creativity and my energy, but for now, this is all I got. At least I've found a cure for my insomnia: overwork.

Some of the most fun internet memes show up on facebook these days, and completing them has taken the place of my blogging outlet to a large extent. So I'll publish a couple of the better ones over here for the next couple of days. Feel free to play along!

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search (http://www.flickr.com/)
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s Mosaic Maker (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php)
d. Save the image and post it on this note!

The Questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What is your favorite color?
4. Favorite drink?
5. Dream vacation?
6. Favorite Hobby?
7. What you want to be/do when you grow up?
8. What do you love most in life?
9. One word to describe you?





1. Butterfly In Celeste, 2. Maguro Tataki Sashimi, 3. Red Umbrella, 4. Ice Tea Splash, 5. Hawaii - Mauna Lani Bay and Resort, 6. Castle Bandits, 7. Fly, 8. Black Cat, 9. dreamy you

It seems like I've been having a lot of deep conversations in recent weeks. They all end up coming down to one essential truth about my life that I don't reveal to a lot of people. (Actually, lately it does seem like it's a lot of people.) I'm not going to state it here, but suffice it to say that it has a lot to do with why I'm single.

I suppose there's a reason for the proverbial mid-life crisis. It's a way of evaluating whether one needs to change one's course in life before it's really too late to make major changes. I guess in some ways this is mine. Am I content with the way my life is? What things can I change to improve it? Are the dreams I had growing up things that I still want to attain if I haven't? Is it better to adjust my attitude or my circumstance, or do both need to change?

I've fallen into a certain pattern in my life that is in some ways very comfortable and familiar to me, but which is not necessarily healthy. Am I capable of changing it? Can I reach out of my comfort zone to grow and change, hopefully for my long-term good? I don't know if I can, or if I should accept my own foibles, and my own lot in life, even if the loneliness I feel today is here to stay.

I don't think that single, childless women have good outcomes later in life, especially if they also don't have siblings. I have seen family members (of both sexes, actually) who did not fare well in this way, and it looks like it could be unpleasant. On the other hand, I consider my friends to be family, and hopefully there will always be friends around to help should I need it. And being single has its advantages. I have a lot of freedom.

I have been wishing for something that I know to be impossible. Perhaps I need to let go of the fantasy and start changing my reality.

Chester's memorial

I found her this morning next to her kitty bed - she seems to have gone fairly peacefully. It's a relief in a number of ways, but I'm still sad and upset. If there is such a thing as kitty heaven, I'm quite confident that's where she is now. She was a very loving cat, and she will be missed.

I posted this to Facebook, which is where I got tagged, but thought I would duplicate it here. I'm not going to tag anyone outside of Facebook, but if you read this blog and have one of your own, feel free to play along. :)

In case you don't know: if you're tagged in this, you are supposed to reveal 25 things about yourself, and tag 25 other people. As you see fit.

1. I don't really believe in happiness. That is, moments can be happy, but I don't think happiness as a goal is a useful concept. There is no way to achieve a perpetual state of happiness, and moreover, I don't see the point in trying. I do, however, believe in enjoying my sad, angry, bored, jealous, guilty, enraged, hopeless, and tragic moments as much as my giddy, peaceful, serene, tranquil, jolly, ecstatic, and proud ones. I enjoy the spectrum.

2. I tend to like dramas over comedies. That probably proceeds from 1.

3. If I could do anything with my life with money as no object, I would live in a Victorian-era house in Beaufort, NC, and write novels. I would rise at dawn and watch the dolphins swim into the sound. I know exactly where I would get a cup of coffee afterwards, and what I would do for my afternoon break, which would be to sit in the sun, smell the breeze, and gaze out at the inlet. I would go flounder-gigging on the weekend off Carrot Island, and take many, many photographs. I wish money weren't an object.

4. I have many vivid dreams, and I nearly always remember them. I discovered a trick to doing this at some point. You can't chase down the memory of the dream or it will elude you and evaporate. Instead, you have to not prod at it at all, but let it lurk around the edges of your day. Then suddenly, something will trigger it and it will all come rushing back in a flash. I'm not sure if this works for other people, but it does for me.

5. I am mostly self-taught in cooking, and so I lack a lot of basic skills. There are recipes I wouldn't know how to make if I had to without a recipe, such as mashed potatoes, meatloaf, corn bread, deviled eggs, pork chops, you know, stuff that "normal" people eat. Instead, I have taught myself to make curries, stir fry, non-raw sushi, egg rolls, fajitas, olive/bean salad, and other strange items. I'm not sure how good most of these things are since I almost always cook for myself alone.

6. I live in a beautiful 1935 Sears & Roebuck house in a lovely old mill town neighborhood in my favorite city in the world. I love my tall ceilings, maple floors and cabinets, wide hallways, front porch with swing, and lovely old holly and crepe myrtle trees. I am, however, the worst home owner and gardener that I know, and the entire place is reeking of neglect.

7. I am a huge fan of the Myers-Briggs / Kiersey Temperament sorter. I personally identify very strongly as an INFJ. That would be fine, but what I really do is I type people in my head. I try not to pigeon-hole people, and instead try to use this as a way of understanding and relating to them. I don't think I'm entirely successful at that, to be honest.

8. I think in my own mind I'm still in my mid-twenties. It always surprises me when I see a photo of myself as I now am.

9. I can cross one eye at a time, and switch which one is pointing inwards. I can still hear my Granny freaking out about this, which is why I learned to do it.

10. I sing really loudly any time that I'm able, and I'm pretty good at it. I sing in the shower, on the drive to and from work -- anytime in the car at all, really -- doing housework, making up silly songs to the cats or the fish, singing along to the jukebox at my favorite pool place, whenever. But I also have a fear of public speaking/performing, so I shake like a leaf when I do karaoke.

11. I dance all the time, and am not a bit abashed about dancing in public. Whether I'm good at it or not is not really for me to decide, but I love it.

12. I can be a pretty good listener, but I'm a terrible interviewer. I have never learned to properly ask leading questions to get people to elaborate on something that they're saying. My Mom is fabulous at this, so when I tell her something about someone we both know, she'll ask me if I asked about this or that, and it never even occurred to me to ask those questions. I guess I feel like I shouldn't pressure someone to give information that they didn't volunteer, but maybe it's just that I'm not curious.

13. I do a hell of a lot of navel gazing.

14. I almost never eat dessert, or crave sweets. Fortunately, this is good for my gluten-free diet. I don't miss cakes or cookies at all, or even bread. I do miss pizza, though.

15. I have a bowler hat that I wear most days that I bought in 1990. Similarly, I have a long leather jacket that I got as a birthday present in 1991. They're falling apart, but I won't part with them.

16. My eyes used to be very blue, but they're getting grayer as I age. My right one has a brown spot near the middle.

17. I am a self-taught typist. I have a very rapid hunt-and peck that I can't fully explain, and which just sort of happened over time. I can still type 75+ words per minute. If I start to pay attention to what my fingers are doing, I start messing up, so I just let my fingers do their own thing.

18. I once sat down and tried to count the number of times I have moved in my life. Not just in between different states, but within the same town. I forget what total I came to now, but I think it was in the 30s. One of the advantages of being a Navy brat is that I have no problems with moving and find it to be a fairly stress-free process. I always unpack everything within the first week. We had to do this in the military or we would have perpetually lived in boxes.

19. Because we moved around so much, I skipped large portions of grades, and didn't learn major chunks of elementary school subjects as one school system wouldn't have covered it yet, and the next already had. As a result, I have never learned cursive, and had to teach myself. I don't know a lot of basic grammar, and have never diagrammed a sentence. It was actually learning French in high school that taught me a lot of things, like what the subjunctive case is, for example. Also, my spelling sucks.

20. I guess I have finally, reluctantly, come to accept that I am from Maryland. That doesn't feel right because I lived so many other places, and my family is all from North Carolina, but I guess those 5 years during high school were enough to make me a Marylander. The fact that I am a Maryland seafood snob confirms it.

21. I love card games. I wish I had friends to play them with, especially Spades.

22. I have two power animals. I would tell you what they are, but I think I'm not supposed to.

23. The date on which I was baptized and confirmed as an Episcopalian was coincidentally my great grandmother's birthday. I like that idea.

24. I like the color red, mainly because it looks good on me. I have a definite vain streak, although you wouldn't know it from my appearance.

25. I still read tarot cards or the I Ching on occasion, even though I think it conflicts with my religious beliefs. I think I do this in an effort to control my future, which of course is illusory at best. Still, it gives me a certain satisfaction. Maybe it's a form of meditation about my life.

At least, according to 1930's standards, and this blogthing:

26 As a 1930s wife, I am Poor Take the test!

I think it was the vulgarity, the general sloppiness, and the desire to wear PJs while cooking breakfast that did it. Oh yeah, and the general outspokenness. Can't have that! Thanks to hsarik for the link. :)

Thanks to Phil at The Archer Pelican for these blogthings:

Which philosopher are you? Your Result: Aristotle   Truth does not exist in some transcendent realm. We get to truth by applying reason to the physical world. The world follows logic and commonsense. Science if done properly is not to far from philosophy. --This quiz was made by S. A-Lerer.
Early Wittgenstein / Positivists
Immanuel Kant
Plato (strict rationalists)
Nietzsche
Sartre/Camus (late existentialists)
W.v.O. Quine / Late Wittgenstein
Which philosopher are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Aristotle?? Really?? Well, i did do a lot of classical studies, so it must have affected me.

Then there's this one, where I end up with St. Augustine as my #1 and St. Thomas Aquinas as my #2, and Kant as a distant third. From the write-up, St. Thomas was fundamentally an Aristotelian. So maybe there's some congruity here.

I'm tired of dealing with the stupidity, so I've turned off anonymous commenting. I apologize to anyone who used this feature legitimately. If you're a friend, try commenting on the Facebook posts instead.

I've been having a really rough week, and it's been an exceedingly busy past couple of months. So it is with some surprise that I noted when I got home last night that one of my most procrastinated to-do items has suddenly been done for me. Some kindly person took pity on me and raked my front yard.

I have no idea who did this, although it's almost certainly one of my neighbors. My yard is the cruddiest one on my block, and I never have time (nor a lot of times, the expertise) to deal with it. I certainly know how to rake, but every time since the beginning of November that I have scheduled time to do this, something has come up, like getting sick, straining my back, or rain.

So to whichever of my neighbors has taken pity on me and kindly, anonymously raking my yard, thank you. I really needed that this week. And it's a reminder of how no matter what kind of bad things happen, there are still people who do good.

Addendum: It turns out my leaves were not actually raked, but the grass has grown long enough to cover them up a bit if you're looking at night or from a window. Oh well, it was a nice thought, anyways. Mowing in January??

Someone has hurt my Mom, and I am absolutely livid about it. I can't remember the last time I was this angry. I've spent a good deal of brain cycles over the past 24 hours composing really nasty emails in my head which I have to keep talking myself out of actually sending. I want to throw things or punch someone in the nose. I'm having difficulty concentrating at work, and have a hair-trigger temper right now.

Mess with me, if you want, but don't ever mess with my Mom.

This is a particular favorite of ours for a holiday party. The beau monde in the dish is the secret ingredient - you can omit it, but the dish is much more tasty with it included. I got to bring a whole container of this home with me this year. Yum! This can be made with low-fat yogurt, cream cheese, milk, and mayo if preferred. Also, from my research online, it seems that both French's and Lea & Perrins Worcestershire sauces are gluten-free - in the U.S., anyways.

Maryland Crab Fondue

1/2 cup plain yogurt
6 ounces cream cheese, softened
2 T mayonnaise
1 T lemon juice
1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp. beau monde
1/2 tsp. dry mustard
2 T milk
1/4 cup cheddar cheese, grated
1/2 lb. blue crab meat (claw meat is fine), cartilage removed
paprika for sprinkling

In a double boiler or electric fondue pot, combine all ingredients except crab meat. Stir over medium heat until cheeses melt. Gently fold in crab meat and heat thoroughly. Sprinkle with paprika. We usually transfer this to a chaffing dish for the duration of the party, but stir it once in a while so it doesn't burn. Serve with raw vegetables, crackers, or party breads. Yield: 2 1/2 cups.

I promised before Christmas that I would start sharing some of my family recipes, so here's installment number one. But first, a little back story.

Growing up, Mom was always a talented cook, but she worked a lot and thus didn't have much time to teach me how to cook. She taught me to follow a recipe, and how to make cookies, but after that I was pretty much on my own. Every holiday, however, Mom would cook up a storm, and we developed some traditional favorites that we would eat every Christmas. I never learned how to cook any of these since Mom was the one cooking and I was probably otherwise goofing off doing holiday things.

Then when I went off to college, I started to want to cook some of these dishes, but Mom was very reticent about giving them to me. "If I give you the recipe, you'll never come home for dinner!" was what she actually said. It's only been in the past five years or so that she has relented and given me the recipes for these dishes. Also, now we spend more time in the kitchen either making things together or with me writing down what she's doing, which is something I think we both wish she and I had done with Granny while she was still alive, since Granny never wrote anything down.

Last year, Mom gave me the recipes for most of our holiday dishes. I decided to keep them private for a year out of respect for family tradition, but now I'm making them public. I hope that you enjoy them as much as we have. And hopefully Mom won't kill me for posting them on my blog. :)

Shrimp in a Pickle
This is actually a recipe from a dear family friend, but we've adopted it as our own. Makes 10 servings.

2.5 quarts water
3 lbs. unpeeled large fresh shrimp
5 small red onions, thinly sliced
8 bay leaves
1 (3.5 oz) bottle capers, drained
1 cup olive oil
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
1/2 cup tarragon vinegar
1 T sugar
2 T fresh lemon juice
1 T Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp. hot sauce
1/4 tsp. salt

Bring 2.5 quarts of water to a boil. Add shrimp and cook 3-5 minutes or just until shrimp turn pink. Drain and rinse with cold water. Peel shrimp, leaving tails intact; devein, if desired.

Divide shrimp, onions, bay leaves, and capers evenly between two gallon-sized Ziplock bags.

Stir together olive oil and next 7 ingredients in a small bowl, and pour evenly over shrimp mixture in each bag.

Cover and chill 8 hours, rotating bags occasionally. Drain before serving.

For some reason, the past two or three months have been a perfect storm of Facebook friend requests. It probably started with the high school reunion back in October. I suddenly have 75+ friends on Facebook, and have now embraced the somewhat annoying interface. I decided at some point that I would do all the sending of pokes and green patches, taking of silly quizzes, and posting of whatever youtube videos struck my fancy. Yes, I've become one of those people. I've even linked my blog and flickr accounts to Facebook. This could end up being a very dumb idea, but on the other hand, it's only people that I've agreed to be friends with that can see that stuff, so why the hell not? Anyone on earth can look at my Livejournal or flickr accounts.

It is exceedingly convenient to post random web stuff on Facebook, and I tend to comment on other people's postings more frequently because of the friending structure there. As a result, I've gotten a bit lazy about posting to my blog. So if you're reading this on Livejournal, consider joining the Facebook craze and friending me there. (Hooray, another made-up word: "friending". I love the English language.) You'll see more activity from me there than you would on the blog.

I got a treat on Christmas Day: Mom took me out to see Freedom, the star of her new documentary film.


Mom with Freedom, and Napoleon hanging over her shoulder. Click for the full set.

The story of Freedom and her trainer Emma is the subject of Mom's most recent documentary film effort, Freedom's Choice. Emma has chosen to move away from a natural horsemanship approach to the techniques taught by the Nevzorov Haute Ecole in training Freedom. The latter style gives the horse an equal footing in the relationship, and the horse can choose whether and when to train. Much more information is available at the Freedom's Choice blog.

I had never been this close to a horse before in my life:


Napoleon is hoping I have apple slices or some other treat.

I must admit it was a bit scary. They are large beasts. Also, I didn't know how to interact with them. I tried to be as open as possible, and talk to them soothingly, but not in a belittling manner. I have this problem where I basically treat all animals like they're cats, but they all have very different signals that they react to. When I was a vet tech, I learned how to handle / communicate with dogs, but I never dealt with large animals. This was an interesting experience. I can see how getting to really understand a horse would be a marvelous experience.

I'm very much looking forward to seeing how the film progresses. Mom is facing all kinds of challenges with getting funding for it, developing a sales pitch, and figuring out how to apply for film festivals and which ones would be the best for her piece. I wish her the very best in pursuing this effort.

I also got to spend some time with Dad and Faye, and enjoyed a delicious Christmas dinner. Here's hoping the next year is good to all of us.

As I was driving to Maryland for the holidays yesterday, I had my first full-blown out-of-the-blue panic attack in three years. I was on the middle of the Potomac River Bridge, being forced to drive 5 mph over the maximum speed limit by a giant red truck on my bumper, when I started feeling dizzy and hyperventilating. This is a very long bridge, which the photos in the above link don't do justice to. I was just trying to force myself to breathe slowly in and out and focus on nothing but the lane in front of me until I was off the bridge. I then let the jerk pass me as I drove slowly to the Maryland Welcome Center, where I stopped for half an hour while I calmed down.

I still get panic attacks on a regular basis when confronted with needles, i.e., getting a shot or blood taken. But I have come to expect those situations and prepare for them. This one took me by complete and unwelcome surprise.

As I was sitting at the rest stop trying to recover, I thought of several things that could have triggered this attack. I've never liked bridges but I have never panicked about one before, either, so this was probably more due to my stress level than an actual fear of bridges (unlike my fear of needles.) It's almost certainly related to the feeling that I was being forced to do something I didn't want to do, namely speeding. But more than that, I think it was related to two things: 1) my base stress level has gone up about ten-fold since starting the new job and 2) I had cheated half an hour before on my gluten-free diet.

Since I started the diet 6 weeks ago, I've cheated three times. One was by accident on Thanksgiving, and twice have been on purpose. Yesterday, I hadn't thought to prepare food that was gluten-free for my drive to Maryland - I hadn't really thought ahead. Usually I stop for lunch when I turn onto 301-N from 95-N, since there's a good place to fill up on gas, go to the restroom, and pick up a Subway sandwich which I can eat on the road. Well duh - Subway won't work for me anymore. I ended up opting for a McDonald's Big Mac instead slightly down the road, arguing to myself that at least there wouldn't be as much bread as with a subway sandwich.

Half an hour later I have a panic attack. I don't think this is a coincidence.

I've noticed so many benefits to eating gluten-free that I can't help but think that this is the right thing for me to be doing. I have more energy, I've lost a little weight, I never have IBS at all anymore unless I've cheated (and I'm paying for that burger right now.) But I wonder if it will also affect other parts of my life. Perhaps panic attacks were related to a wheat intolerance. Perhaps my JRA was all a reaction to gluten. Maybe the long term benefits will be outrageously good. I've heard similar things from other folks who have gone gluten-free. People with horrible acne suddenly don't have any. People with terrible migraines suffer them no longer. Things like that. I have to say that even with what I've noticed so far, this is the right course for me. And to think my doctor thought it was a dumb idea.

In any case, after calming down at the rest stop, I decided that the rest of my holiday was going to be spent in a stress-free, low-key manner. I immediately got in the right hand lane and stayed there for pretty much the rest of the drive to Annapolis. I decided the small stuff should not be sweat. I have made myself stop thinking about work. I did some breathing exercises this morning.

May you all have a relaxing, stress-free Christmas.